i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
