Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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