I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
