She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
