Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
