i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
