the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
