Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
