why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
