Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
