So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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