Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
