I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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