I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
