Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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