So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
