But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
