and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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