he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
