I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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