yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
