so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
