He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
