dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
