if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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