party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
