she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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