have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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