I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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