Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
