Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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