i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
