Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I came so hard my ears popped.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
