There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
