So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
