before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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