Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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