Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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