i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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