girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
