dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
