I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
