this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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