Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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