i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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