I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
