why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
