i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
