dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
