If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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