Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
