so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
