This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
