The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
